


Scarred.

by carpethefanfics



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, F/M, Guilt, Mentions Torture, Mentions violence, PTSD, Pain, Post War, Scars, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-23
Updated: 2017-06-23
Packaged: 2018-11-18 02:05:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,886
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11281500
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carpethefanfics/pseuds/carpethefanfics
Summary: Everyone knows the scars Harry received in the war, but has Harry ever seen Ginny’s?





	Scarred.

**Author's Note:**

> Warning: post war trauma
> 
> Since post-war Harry and Ginny has me captivated.  
> And so does @blvnk-art because their art is fucking wicked, and totally inspired this, seriously go check them out on tumblr.
> 
> Enjoy.

  * She knows it’s been months since the war ended
  * She’s been checking off the days just to make sure this isn’t some sort of dream
  * A dream she’d be content to live in but a dream nonetheless
  * She has to remind herself it’s real every morning
  * Has to stand in front of her desk
  * Let her curtains draw open and the sunshine flood her room
  * Has to look at the smiling waving faces of photographs that decorate her walls
  * Bill with tears in his endless gazing eyes at the serene face of a blonde haired bundle 
  * _Victory_
  * _Because having her, being able to live this life, that’s what it all is_
  * Percy down on one knee, the shimmer of a diamond
  * _We only have one life to live, why not live it now?_
  * George laughing with his arm wrapped around the shoulder of his new business partner Angelina
  * A look of shock and utter joy in her face as George practically keels forward for the first time in months
  * She breathes easier again after that
  * And she knows at some point there will be years and years gone by
  * That some people will forget
  * That more will live in an era untouched by that kind of evil
  * And she hopes that in those days she finds peace
  * But today is not that day


  * And tonight is not that night
  * As her arm extends itself over and over and over again
  * Her wrist curving and swishing and flicking towards the black sky
  * The familiar ache in her shoulder from refusing to stop
  * Refusing to be out a practice for even a moment
  * Refusing to close her eyes and see her whole life ablaze all over again
  * Her brow is furrowed, lines now permanently etched on her face from the scowling and anger and utter terror that came from the last few years
  * And she knows they are much too old for someone still so young
  * But as she feels her muscles screaming out for rest she persists
  * Every curse she’s ever imagined, read about, sought after, running through her mind
  * Her lips refusing to move until she has it down
  * _They never heard you coming then_
  * _And they never will_
  * Her body is overheating from the strain
  * The hours upon hours unable to reach dreamless sleep
  * Unable to see black behind her eyelids without the accompanied red slits and green flashes and screams 
  * She slides her jumper from her shoulders and begins again
  * Ignoring the pain that shoots up her back as she raises her arm
  * As she over extends her elbow
  * As the glint of moonlight of her scarred skin comes into view
  * It’s all she needs to see to know she has to persist
  * They took her sixth year
  * They took her family
  * They took her friends
  * They berated the innocent
  * And punished the moral
  * _There is no just in justice_ , she thinks
  * She wishes she could forget the meaning behind every line that marks her freckled skin
  * Forget why her body will never feel wholly her own again
  * But when every time you touch your skin, when every time you see silver lines still so fresh and new, you’re reminded of a life it feels like everyone is moving away from 
  * **How do you forget**?
  * ‘Gin?’
  * Pulled from her thoughts by his voice she turns her head
  * Her arm still raised
  * Her mind still wired
  * ‘What are you doing?’
  * She turns back
  * The shower of colours from her wand are blinding
  * The silence around her deafening
  * ‘Practicing’ 
  * She hears his voice stop cold 
  * ‘Practi-’
  * But his footsteps continue towards her
  * ‘You don’t need to do that’
  * His hand rests on her bicep
  * His hair is a mess 
  * She knows he’s been running his hands through it
  * Probably for hours
  * Lying awake, staring at the ceiling, feeling heavy and useless and tired
  * And his glasses are askew on his face
  * The dark purple under his eyes mimics her own
  * ‘And how do you know that?’
  * ‘He’s dead.’
  * His answer is simple and Ginny can’t help but glower at him
  * Her wand arm lowered
  * Her lips pursed
  * ‘His death doesn’t kill the hatred Harry. Doesn’t take away the fact that in this world people still live who would kill me for my traitorous blood, kill my family for what side we took.’
  * ‘The Ministry and Azkaban have taken care of them. They’ll never step freely into this world again for their crimes.’
  * Harry kept his hand on her arm
  * Their eyes locked
  * Ginny’s face unwavering
  * ‘Maybe one day I’ll believe that. But they did nothing during the war, it was us, all alone, trying to survive. Hogwarts was hell with those Death Eaters around every corner. Knowing my family was out there fighting a war and I was trapped in a school surrounded by people who wanted to spill my blood themselves.’
  * Ginny’s voice was painfully harsh
  * Nothing but anger bubbling up in every word
  * Nothing but hate
  * ‘I know.’
  * ‘You’re the Savior Harry, you know pain but you don’t know this.’
  * ‘What the fuck is that supposed to mean? Of course I understand being afraid of dying, of seeing you all dying, of being chased and hated and-and-’
  * ‘It wasn’t like being chased by them Harry’
  * Ginny let the air leave her lungs
  * ‘It wasn’t fighting them every few weeks. They were there eating with us, walking with us, breathing our air. They were always watching. Always hovering. They let slurs and curses fall from their lips and I couldn’t do  ** _anything_**. I couldn’t breathe without turning my head and finding them quietly tucked away with their wand at the ready, those  _fucking_  smirks-’
  * Ginny paused
  * Flexing her hands, trying so hard to reign herself back in
  * Trying to maintain the composure she had maintained for so long
  * ‘They wanted us to react, wanted me to shout and kick and scream. They were always at the ready. Hoping to have  **a reason, any reason,** to unleash what they’d been holding in for decades since his demise. I had to let them-let them hurt people because I had to come home, I couldn’t not come home. But defending myself and the others was all I had to keep me going. It was all I could do not to picture-’
  * Ginny caught herself
  * She could feel her chest swelling and her eyes blurring
  * All that rage she had kept under her skin was seeping out
  * All that fear that she buried all the time fighting and hiding and knowing she might not make it home
  * This might be the last time she signs a letter to her mum
  * Or heard her brothers on the radio, hear their laughter
  * The last time she hears Luna ramble on about Blibbering Humdingers  
  * And Neville discuss the powerful defensive effects of a Wiggentree or the extent of hysteria brought on by Alihotsy
  * _And she’d never see Harry again_
  * ‘No. I never want to be that vulnerable again.’
  * She tried to turn back, lift her arm again
  * But Harry was gripping it harder now
  * His eyes not reading anger, his jaw tightly locked
  * The soft sleepy look on his face long gone
  * ‘I haven’t seen these’
  * His voice is quiet and soft
  * Ginny turns back to his eyes
  * His thumb moving across the silver lines that decorated her skin
  * Moving repeatedly over a jagged mark that ran under her arm and wrapped around her elbow
  * ‘That was for Neville. He refused to perform the cruciatus and I refused to let them take him to detention.’
  * Harrys fingers continued over Ginny’s arm, up her shoulder
  * ‘That was for Colin’s brother.’
  * And to her neck
  * ‘That was for the sword.’
  * Harry could feel his throat closing at the images assaulting him
  * Vivid flashes of dark hooded figures engulfing her
  * Their wands moving swiftly threw the air
  * Ginny’s blood moving over her skin and dripping along the stone floors
  * Her unconscious form without medical attention for days
  * ‘Hey,’
  * His eyes flicked back up to her face
  * ‘I’m sorry, I’m so- so unbelievably sorry-‘
  * ‘I made a choice Harry.’
  * ‘You shouldn’t have had too’
  * ‘But I did’
  * Ginny tucked her wand in the waist of her pajamas and let her hand find Harry’s
  * ‘I should have let you come with us or kept you safe somehow, I never should have let you go back to that school, I shouldn’t have let anyone-’
  * ‘I’m glad I did’
  * Harry looked up
  * Ginny’s eyes were softer than before
  * A puzzled look plastered across his face
  * ‘We chose to bear burdens beyond anything other people could Harry, that’s who we are. Like you, like my brothers, like your parents or Remus and Sirius and Tonks-’
  * Ginny paused to collect herself
  * Her lower lip caught between her teeth
  * A deep breath causing her heart to slow
  * She swallowed painfully at the names she hadn’t spoken aloud since the funerals
  * ‘They led lives dedicated to other people- to protecting and bringing joy and teaching. I’m honoured to be among them for the choices I made because I know I hated every moment of those months but I would have hated it  _more_ if I hadn’t been there. People could have died, kids could have died-’
  * ‘Kids did die’
  * His voice was still so low
  * And it was barely a whisper when it left his lips
  * But Ginny persisted
  * ‘But Harry, without the DA and Potterwatch and that ridiculous hope that let us actually dare to laugh in a world that was just so fucking dark .. Without you- well without you there are so many people who would have more than scars and bad dreams. For all I know I could be with Fred-’
  * Harry gripped her hand tightly
  * ‘Don’t say that-’
  * Ginny pulled him closer
  * Their hands interlocking much more tightly than before
  * ‘Its the truth Harry! It’s why I can’t sleep and why I’m out here practicing in the dead of night for a war we already won- I’m not ready to leave this place, to leave my family-’
  * Ginny paused, her smile small and her face glowing
  * ‘To leave you.’
  * She raised her eyes to stare into the deep forest green that she had missed all that time
  * That she had missed all the time they had spent trying to heal 
  * That she had missed knowing he needed to be alone, to grieve, to peel the last remnants of a burden he never wished to bear off his shoulders
  * ‘You would never have asked anyone to take your place, even if you had ever wished it, even for a second, you  **never** would have let them.’
  * Ginny let her hand ghost over Harry’s arm before finding it’s familiar spot against his neck
  * Her thumb caressing the line of his jaw
  * ‘Now we both have scars.’
  * Harry let out a breathy laugh as he played with the hem of Ginny’s pajama shirt
  * ‘You know we’re not going anywhere right?’
  * He raised his other hand to brush her hair behind her shoulder
  * ‘That I’m not going anywhere?’
  * Ginny felt herself smile, nothing forced or fake
  * A purely accidental smile
  * Something that came from uncontrollable joy settling inside her
  * ‘I’m sorry I’ve been-’
  * ‘Don’t.’
  * Ginny let her eyes drift closed
  * Her face leaning closer
  * Harry’s low breathing against her skin
  * ‘You’re here now.’



**Author's Note:**

> http://carpethefanfics.tumblr.com/post/162165200782/scarred


End file.
